It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
