I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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