apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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