Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Randomize
