remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
