Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
