There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
