So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
