It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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