Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize