I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
