I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
