The maid of honor just puked.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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