Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
