Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
