Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
sex in a hospital.. check
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
