she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize