i'm signing you up for texting rehab
If that was your dad, he is hot
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I need water and some morals
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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