it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
