I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
