i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
