it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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