dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
