So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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