no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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