apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize