We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
