He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
