im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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