I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
