I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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