Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
