guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
