nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
