It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
So vagazzling was a success
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
