Fine. I'll sleep in my office
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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