Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
