eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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