your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
