Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
