I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
