Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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