the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
