I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
