somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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