are you still at the devil's house?
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
