I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
