you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
no you cant smoke seaweed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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