By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
