She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
