I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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