Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize