I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
