Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
