sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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