Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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