I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
