pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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