I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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