i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
