So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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