he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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