i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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